Them: “You really like this song?”
Them: “WOW! I’m like really shocked.”
Me: “OK …”
And this conversation is how this week’s blog post began.
Because there was I:
minding my business listening to Meg the Stallion weave together catchy bars about having a wang dang doodle of a time in a local nightclub and aggressively using men for sexual and financial favors.
There they were:
trying to wrap their mind around why a woman who earned a Master’s degree (and a ton of student loan debt), published several books, and lives a generally low key and “normal” life would listen to a song with such “questionable” content.
And this exchange got me to thinking … what is it about some of these ratchet little bops do myself and women like me enjoy so much? And why is it that this seems to bother people so much?
So let’s unpack it this week in TheLadyWrites’ top 5 reasons why this girl, your girl, that girl, loves a good uncouth, uncivilized, foul mouthed song.
- It’s an Outlet for Aggression
Adulting is hard AF. And that are all kinds of ways we can blow off some steam and let loose a little bit after facing the day-to-day of 9-to-5 life, whatever that means for us individually. There are times when I think about throat punching someone in the workplace for some unnecessary sass or sauce. There are other times when I may wish I owned one of those trucks with the giant wheels to roll over the car of the guy who just cut me off in traffic. But I’m also not of a privileged class of Americans that could buy their way out of that kind of trouble. Beyond that, I’m not one for violence, so I simply settle for the release that comes when I turn my music on. For me, there isn’t much that comes close to the feeling of the boom bat of some hard bass blowing through my car’s speakers and melodic story telling about some shit I’d never do. Which, brings me to my next point.
- It’s Creative Expression
There are people who listen to music about selling drugs and mistreating women. But they aren’t drug dealers or domestic abusers.
People all over the world have admired the work of Vincent Van Gogh. But they are still in possession of both of their ears.
Pardon my shade, but there are many, many people who will belt out a whole gospel tune and not be living right.
Ever seen the movie ScarFace? Are you burying your face in mountains of white powder? I didn’t think so. Or at least I hope not. Either way, I ain’t judging.
Point is: People are allowed to tell stories. People are allowed to express themselves however they see fit. Other people are allowed to enjoy the expression of those stories. And neither the telling nor consumption of those stories is indicative of anything other than what it is. And guess what else? These neither of these people have to ask permission to do so. Shocking revelation, right?
- Hip Hop has Been Historically Misogynistic
I AM A FAN OF HIP HOP … always have been. But it is no secret that the industry is dominated by hetero cis men. So it should also come as no surprise that some of the stories told from this perspective haven’t been so uplifting to women.
And then came some of the first mainstream women rappers. But I think many of them were determined to prove they could rap and go toe-to-toe with the men lyrically (which they could and did), that their stories and experiences were neglected in the process.
But then there was this shift. It started slowly at first with the likes of Kim and Trina in the 90’s, but women stopped trying to compete with the men, per se, and started just rapping about their lives and experiences; their own stories, and not just those that a man would tell with a quick change of pronouns. It was raw and uncut and hard, but with bedazzled pasties, colorful wigs, and a heaping helping of over the top femininity. And I stanned then … and I still stan today.
- It’s a Middle Finger to Societal Standards Let’s Have Fun
As we all know by now, I’m a huge fan of minding my black _ business and doing exactly what you want to do. Life is far too short for other people’s expectations, perceptions, and preconceived notions about who you are and should be. If you want to stand on the bar and use the connective tissue in your knees to bust it wide open before them joints start creaking when you walk up the stairs … GO FOR IT! We live in a world where even now, women are constantly told what they should be; how they should look; how they should behave. And while I’m simply living my regular ass “let’s go to Walmart this weekend” ass life, doesn’t mean anyone else has to … and it also doesn’t mean that I can’t live vicariously through them and catch a little bit of that spirit of having a good time.
And last but not least …
- Because I Fucking Want To
That’s right, folks! When your brain gets tired of trying to figure out why your girl, that girl, any girl, loves that ratchet bop you can’t stand, I want you to relax, and remember this one right here. I am an adult. I make my money, mind my business, and do my best to be a decent human being. My interests are so diverse and widespread that even I have a hard time keeping up sometimes. Ask Apple Music. You should see that algorithm shuffling around trying to offer me suggestions that fit my previous patterns. You see, music can feed the soul, fuel a workout, or just get the toes tapping when you‘re in need of a little boost. But what I’m going to need you not to do is make assumptions about a woman’s character, circumstances, or life because she chose to hit play on a particular song on a playlist. I promise, curbing your natural desire to be judgy af won’t cause you any physical pain.
Until next time folks,
Love and Light,
What did you say?
You miss me when I’m gone?
Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week:
You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon: