I’m lonely af.
But don’t cry for me, Argentina, because I’m not talking about the staring out into the rain, plotting my existence kind of lonely.
I’m talking about the kind of lonely where when I look around, there aren’t very many people orbiting my personal atmosphere. And given that I prefer my own company, this isn’t something I’ve given much thought to …
until this week …
when I realized …
that the growth of the black-hole like chasm that’s formed between myself and some folks …
is directly proportionate …
to my prioritization of my peace.
In other words, the more I learn to say “YES” to me and “NO” to other people, the more I find myself … with myself … by myself. LOL
So this week, The Lady Writes fam, we’re getting into the weeds of my lonely ass life and why if your experience is anything like mine, I think we’re headed in the right direction.
You see, this thought journey started earlier this week, when I found myself clearly stating my stance on an issue, drawing my line in the sand, and saying, “Aight, homie, you cool with this?”
And “homie” said, “nah”.
And I said, “Aight, cool. There’s the door.”
And this exchange took me down a rabbit hole because it made me realize two things:
- Your Happiness is Your Responsibility
Story Time!
I had a friend who would always call when there was an issue.
They would vent.
I would listen.
They would ask for advice.
I would give it.
But when I needed that same energy in return, I’d reach out to them and barely get a response back. I mean like, you know how someone will reach to your text instead of actually texting you back … yeah that type of energy.
So I said, “Self, you don’t like the way it feels when they do that. You should tell him.”
So self did.
And they got upset and I haven’t spoken to them since.
And while that sucks, it’s also OK.
Because it taught me that: A. This person wasn’t as much of a friend as I thought; and B. You have to take responsibility for your happiness and comfort, because no one else will.
If I would have allowed it, they would have continued to call and text, unloading their issues onto me. And knowing me, I would have continued to accept them.
And guess who’s fault that would have been? Mine. Because, again, it is my responsibility to speak up for myself when things are happening that are hurting me.
Nuts and bolts of this conversation:
Keep it a bean with your friends, if they get mad and they’re really your friends, they’ll get over it.
If they don’t, you’ll just be lonely, yet happy.
Your Energy Attracts Certain People and Some of Them Don’t Give a Damn about Your Happiness
So, boom, there I was, hyping myself up all like, “Yeah, I’m taking control of my happiness. If people don’t like it, fuck them.”
And then I sat there for a while, like “Wait a damn minute … what’s up with me and my energy that I’m attracting people who don’t respect me.”
Because that’s exactly what it is.
If someone were to tell me that they don’t care for how something I did made them feel, I wouldn’t engage in that behavior around them if I valued their presence.
And I think that’s the root of it. Those people who get upset, who tell you you’re being “sensitive” don’t value your presence enough to make these changes.
And changing that dynamic is something that starts with an internal conversation we have to have with ourselves.
Now, what that conversation looks like, sounds like, or feels like is up to you. But I do think that if you find yourself in a situation where the same thing keeps happening to you, you have to take inventory of our own BS and figure out why the same kinds of people gravitate to your vortex.
So I said all that to say, that establishing boundaries is hard, because when you start to grown into the process of doing so, it can push people away.
But whether those people have been with you from birth or just so happened to slide in your DMs one day, don’t ever feel bad if protecting your peace is the reason why they said “peace”.
Until next time, fam,
Remember,
You owe no one anything …
Except for yourself …
Because you are your priority …
And the more you realize that …
The better you can be …
For those who actually belong in your galaxy.
Love and Light,
What did you say?
You miss me when I’m gone?
Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week:
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You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/author/erinmcmillon
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