Things have been actually been going pretty well for me. For the first time in years, I’m financially “OK”, the job is decent, my belly is full (maybe too full judging from my attempt at shopping for jeans this weekend), and I can really say I’m happy.
Being that that’s the case, I had a hard time figuring out why I had such a shitty week last week.
I had a general case of what my mother likes to call the “blaazays.”
While I may seemed to be doing just fine to the people around me I was having an internal struggle with knowing I was happy, but really feeling “some kinda way.”
Friday came and it seemed like the clouds cleared from the sky and I instantly began to feel like myself again.
I decided to look back on the week and the things that happened to try to figure out what could have been affecting my mood so heavily.
And that’s when it smacked me like group of wired-up teens in a “WORLD STAR” fight compilation video.
The energy of those around me had taken me on an emotional rollercoaster.
Now, stay with me. I swear I’m not crazy. (Or at least a few doctors have attested to the fact.)
Tuesday afternoon it hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden I got up from my desk to get that last afternoon cup of coffee and I started to get upset. Nothing had happened if you exclude the shitty quality of the free coffee the job offers, but I just felt like crap. Soon enough the work day was over and I went to pick up the kids. When I got to my daughter’s school I found her crying over a kid who had stolen some of the candy she’d received at school that day. I handled the situation with the girl and her mom, consoled my baby girl, and we went home.
After that, I moved on with my day.
So I’m sitting at my desk on Wednesday and a co-worker who sits very close to me comes and pours their heart out about trouble they’re having at home. I listened, digested, and tried to offer support, even though this person and I barely spoke prior to this conversation. They told me things haven’t been going well at home for a while, but they really started coming to a head in the last few days and that they felt comfortable speaking to me about it because I just seemed “open.”
After that, I moved on with my day.
On Thursday a very close friend of mine called with terrible news about their health. It was devastating news. We’ve been friends since before puberty and to hear the news and have thoughts about the potential of losing them forever was a hard pill to swallow. They’d apparently learned about the state of their health early in the week and held off telling me as they came to grips with what it all really mean for themselves.
And as hard as it was … after that, I moved on with my day.
So as I sat around Friday trying to make sense of my week I realized other people’s energy greatly affects me.
Now, I obviously don’t mind being so connected with my children that I feel what they feel. I think that’s a great thing.
But, I realized that maybe I am so “open” that I can be fine, but if the energy exuding from others isn’t I’m a wreck.
This made me think about past relationships, choices, and decisions I made and the people and personalities around me at the time and how their energy may have changed mine.
It made me think about old sayings that caution people about the kinds of people they surround themselves with. Are they good for you? Do they have your best interest at heart? Are the like-minded?
All in all, it made me more aware of myself.
Now ask yourself: are you aware of the energy and people around you?
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