Dating in 2019: Let’s Talk about Sex …

Let’s talk about sex, baby.

salt n pepa

Let’s talk about you and me.

Or let’s not …

Especially when you’re in the beginning stages of dating someone new AND you’re looking for a more serious, long term situation.

Because while a healthy (and hopefully robust) sex life is important, it isn’t the whole of who you are … and anyone trying to get to know YOU should focus on more than just one, or two, or three (if they’re talented enough) parts of your body.

Think I sound like a middle school sex ed video?

Good! Because clearly some of y’all didn’t get the memo the first time around.


“Oh, but I can’t be with someone who I’m not sexually compatible with,” my sister in single life said to me.

“I’m not buying the car before I test drive it,” my bachelor brother whined.

And while those things may be true, isn’t it also true that you may also want to kick the tires, check the oil, and look under the hood before you drive off the lot?

Don’t believe me?

Let’s go on a little trip to …  STORY TIME!


Once upon a time …

I had two separate conversations with two separate people about their marriages.

One was older man. He spoke openly and honestly about his marriage and subsequent divorce. When I asked him what he thought ultimately happened, he told me, “Everything was always fine with my wife and I … until our feet hit the floor.”

If you didn’t catch that, that is seasoned man talk for “the only time we got along was when we were F*@$#”.


The other was a younger woman. She told me stories of how she and her husband had the best sex in the beginning of their relationship;

how he also liked to share said sex with other women;

and how she spent years in the street fighting said women over said sex.

“And when he was finally ready to settle down, I realized that I had done all of that fighting over a man who couldn’t even balance a check book,” she said.


Do you see where I’m going with this now?

Are the happenings going down in horizontal town important?

Of course!

Are there more important factors when it comes to choosing a long term partner? Damn straight!

And given that we’re all adults and can understand that concept, I’m going to need us all to stop leading with our


and our


when we’re looking for a situation of more substance.

Because not only is it a blatant contradiction to do so, it also is kind of corny and boring.

There’s so many other things going on in the world, in our lives, in the universe. (Shit, I could write an entire blog series about the moon.) I’m quite sure there’s something else of interest to discuss.

Because if you like this person and the chemistry is right, you’ll organically move into the space where you can have of those kinds of conversations …

and you’ll get down to it …

and get down on it d …

and then you can buss down on somebody’s son or daughter as long as you both so consent.


Until next time, folks,

Be safe out here dating in these mean streets,

And keep your secret garden to yourself,

If you’re trying to sow longer lasting seeds.

Love and Light,



What did you say?

You miss me when I’m gone?

Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week:



Good Reads:

You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon:


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