I was on a roll for a minute there. I’d come home after work, sit at my computer, and pump out an entire short story in one night. Not sure what happened, but if the legend is true …
I’ve been stricken with writer’s block!
Dun, Dun, Duunnnn!!!
Doctors and scientists have been studying this phenomenon for centuries and there is still no cure on the horizon. Some will tell you to turn on music to get the juices flowing, while others suggest writing anything — anything at all. But those who are truly afflicted by this debilitating ailment will tell you none of these home remedies work.
What does a writer do? ß In my most dramatic voice.
To plot the course for the unblocking process, one must first be properly diagnosed.
- Being a sloppy, unfocused mess as you switch from the word document that should house your literary masterpiece to Facebook and back as you read the same posts you just read 10 minutes ago.
- Watching your favorite reality show and telling yourself you’re going to write on the commercial breaks.
- Obsessively staring at the blinking line in your word document, praying the Gods will reward you for your amazing attention span with some inspiration.
- Trying to avoid admitting you have writer’s block out of some irrational fear that it may make it truer (It’s already true!)
- Then getting pissed because you do have writer’s block.
- Taking 15 smoke breaks, or pee breaks, or water breaks, or whatever suits your fancy.
- A general annoyance with life, hinged on the thoughts of “never getting this book done.”
- Getting groundbreaking, original ideas when in one of the following situations – a. stuck on the toilet with no toilet paper; b. sitting in a meeting at work; or c. picking up the kids from school – and then immediately forgetting them when you finally get to a piece of paper and pen.
If you have two or more of these symptoms, you have writer’s block.
Now that you’ve been properly self-diagnosed, we can move forward to the discussion of the cure, which is …
Oh, Sh*t! There goes that writer’s block again.
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