This week’s interview was … let’s just say … interesting.
There were moments when I clutched my pearls …
Some when I winced to brace myself for what was going to come out of his mouth next …
Others when I laughed heartily …
And some when, even with my insanely fast typing speed, I wasn’t able to keep up.
And when I finally sat down to write the intro for this crazy, no holds barred conversation, I struggled to put “what I learned” into words. Because what I learned is that some things just ARE; some people just are. There doesn’t have to be any particular rhyme or reason, or maybe sometimes there is that just isn’t as apparent at the time … And maybe that’s the way it should be.
So as you read this one, I want you to look back on this crazy conversation I had with one of my neighbors during my summer of outdoor painting adventure, and just let it be.
One Quick Note: This gentleman referred to himself as the F word, quite frequently during our discussion. I hate the word myself, but this is the language he used, so I left it in, as this isn’t about me. It’s about him, telling his story.
Age: 58 – Hometown: Trenton, NJ
Sexuality: My sexuality is … uhhh, what’s the word I’m looking for … I’m a multitasking rascal. I’m not gay. I mean, I’m not a fag. I’m not gay but I fuck for money. I’m a hoe.
Children: I have 3 sons because my DNA produces male hormones. And I have 11 grandsons and two granddaughters.
Relationship Status: Not compatible with either sex because I’m a hoe.
|How do you spend your free time?
I think of new ways to acquire new victims and I travel. I also travel to acquire new victims.
|Are you happy?
I would say I’m happy with the things I’m doing, but I’m not happy with the things I do until the next day. I’m happy with the things I do the next day because I bought joy into someone’s life for that one night.
|What makes you happy?
What makes me happy is Chris Brown! <lets out hearty laugh>
Chris Brown’s music … any of his songs. Oh, and scented candles and bubble baths and body massages and good dick and good ass.
See, ass is good when it’s douched with that cherry flavor because I love to eat it like that.
Other things that make me happy?
Water spots … anything water makes me happy; beaches, boats, jet skis … anything with water because I’m a Pisces. You want to make me happy? Do something with water. If I tell you what makes me happy and you don’t do it, I don’t want you.
You need to do what I like and not what I don’t like. People don’t realize they have to know your likes and dislikes. Sometimes people do things you don’t like and they don’t realize what they’re doing, which is pushing you away. Or maybe they don’t care that they’re pushing you away.
See with me. I want to talk about the future. I don’t want anyone to question me about my past because I’m not telling you about my past because people tend to take advantage of that information.
And then they don’t love you the same after you tell them about the past.
They say, “oh, baby I love you.”
But they don’t mean it.
What was the best moment of your life and why?
|The best moment of my life is when my first son was born. I dreamed about it and in the dream I saw my son laying on the kitchen floor. But she called and said she was having the baby and when I got there, he was laying on the floor. My son was on the floor and I grabbed him and blew breath into his mouth. I literally breathed life into him.
The second best moment was when my second son was born. She got to my house in the cab and the baby was coming. I had to hold her legs closed. But the time she got the hospital she opened her legs and the baby came out.
What is one thing you regret? (And you can’t say “nothing”.)
|Only one? That’s a hard one … I regret not following my first instinct when I was 21. That would have changed my whole life. I wouldn’t have all of these kids. I regret not finishing college. If I did, I wouldn’t be in NJ. But I love my regret because now I have joy. Because if I wouldn’t have stayed here I wouldn’t have had kids.|
If you could go back in time in your entire life (it can be other people, circumstances, things) and change just one thing about your life, what would it be?
|I would change the fact that my mom is going through Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s right now. Instead of having to tell her things, I wish she could remember. I would want her to remember everything.|
When was the first time you were in love?
|Uh … I’m still in love. I’m in love with me. The last time that I gave love though, I never received it back. So now I’m only in love with me. And I’m the only person that’s going to make me happy. If I don’t make me happy, I’ll be sitting around on this porch, waiting for someone to make me happy. That’s why I like to travel. I go to so many concerts. I take my bike on the train and I travel with my bike and I go. Guess what? It’s a day trip, he yells.|
When was the last time you were in love?
|Right now I’m in love with myself because the things I’m doing I can only do for myself. I’m in love with myself because I’m the only one who can give me what I need. I don’t wait around for anyone to give me what I need. I make me happy.|
What do you think people think of you? Do you care?
|I think people think of me as a softy when I’m sober. I think of me as a hard ass when I’m drinking. How people see me depends on who they are … and how they are.
Take me as I am.
Most people think of me based on me being drunk and they know how to deal with me based on whether I’m drunk or not. You can be ignorant to the fact. You can count me out. But I’m not stupid. I have certifications. I have licenses. When I get sick and tired of being sick and tired, I can get me a job real quick.
What you want to be when you grew up? Did it happen? Why or why not?
|I did what I wanted to do. I wanted to go into broadcasting. I was on the radio. I was a DJ. I did a TV show. To this day … and it’s been so many years. I went to school for all of the things I wanted to do. I modeled for the Ebony fashion show … back in the 80s, I did my thing. I’ve been to 26 states and 13 countries modeling. I’ve made over $500K. I gave it all to my mom and my kids. I was on the road for nearly 10 years.|
What’s your favorite song? How does it make you feel?
|Of all time?
Well, you know what that is … ANYTHING BY CHRIS BROWN! I love him so much from the first album … and so … because he’s so sexy … and, yeah, he’s just so sexy. I’m on like 15 Chris Brown websites and no homo, he’s my favorite artist of all times. I can do every dance he does and I study his moves and I know every song.
<starts singing a Chris Brown song from his gut … then he gets up, gets on his bike, and rides off down the street … singing>
And just like that, the interview was over.
Until next time, folks,
Love and Light,
What did you say?
You miss me when I’m gone?
Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week:
You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon: