Giving the Medicine with the Candy: The Nicki Vs. Safaree Edition – A.K.A – “But, you chose her, bro!”

Throughout the last two weeks, celebrity Twitter fingers have been twittering, Shade Rooms have been shade rooming, and Instastories have been storying … and while I just made some of those verbs up, one thing that doesn’t live in the land of make believe is the domestic violence accusations flying around between Nicki Minaj and her ex Safaree … and even worst our subsequent reactions.

If you missed it in the news (and it kind of saddens me that this is actually news, but I digress), some of y’alls favorite female rapper, Nicki Minaj, went on a verbal rampage against her ex-boyfriend Safaree. He replied with a tweet (I told you there were a lot of Twitter fingers) saying, “Remember that night you cut me and I almost died the police and ambulance had to take me out the crib on a stretcher and I had to lie and tell them I was trying to kill myself so they wouldn’t take you to jail …”

Yeah … that part.

So I waited for this to blow up; for us to “cancel” Nicki, like we seem to do everyone else, but instead, what happened was a collective silence, followed by the age old, “well he knew she was crazy and he chose her so” *insert shrugging person emoji

Yeah … that part too.

And frankly, that pissed me off.


Because I’m sick of people blaming victims for someone else’s s___ behavior.

How many times have you seen someone telling their story about how someone did them wrong on social media and find the comments section littered with “well you chose him/her”?

A woman can be upset about the father of her children not being responsible and the general consensus will be “well you chose him.”

A man is pissed over the way his girlfriend behaved when she didn’t get her way and we’ll shout “well you chose her.”

Are we really at a point where knowledge of shitty behavior somehow absolves people from responsibility for the destructive things they do?

In other words, just because I know you’re a dick, does that mean that when you do dickhead things it’s not your fault?

If you don’t know by now, I’m all about taking control of your life (or doing your absolute best to do so), setting boundaries with people, and removing yourself from situations that don’t serve you a positive purpose.

But what about those people who are still working toward getting to that space in their life where they find the strength to do so?

Is this really the message we want to send? That because one’s judgment of character is off that they somehow deserve to be mistreated?

We all know that getting your s___ together is a process. Heck, that’s the reason why this whole blogging adventure started!

But sometimes, during that process you might invite a thief into your home …

And when they steal from you …

I want you to know …

That yes, you must do a better job of protecting yourself …

But I also want you to know, that that person is an asshole!

And the fact that they’re an asshole is not your fault.

That’s it and that’s all.

So, when we talk about crappy relationships, whether they’re ours or other people’s …

And all of the things that happen (because we have all been through the ringer) …

I want you to keep that same energy.

That goes for Safaree …

YOU (my faithful and beautiful readers) …

And as a reminder for me too.


Until next time, folks …

Instead of deferring to “you chose him” …

why don’t you suspend your judgment …

because those people who were a bit too trusting and kind …

would much better be served by kindness and understanding, instead of being blamed for someone else’s destruction.


Love and Light,



What did you say?

You miss me when I’m gone?

Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week:



Good Reads:

You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon:







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