We’re about to have a very layered conversation …
… One that is filled with nuisance
… And perspective, but we’re going to have it anyway, damn it, because:
1. It’s how I feel.
2. I think there are many others out there that may feel the same way.
3. It’s my blog, so yeah.
I AM A UNICORN!
No, I’m not the Tiffany Haddish kind of unicorn because I refuse to resort to some of her antics. But that’s the point. I’m not her; I’m not you; I’m just me, marching to the beat of my own drummer booming high hat and 808.
And while I love being a unicorn, there’s one fact I haven’t always been so fond of:
I will never fit in … I mean, like ever, like never, ever, ever.
I’m just too much of ERIN to be a part “the crowd”.
Let’s do a brief, rundown of me for a second. C’mon, indulge me, I promise it will be at least somewhat entertaining.
I love listening to folk, alternative, and even EDM music (hey, Dawn Richard)!!!!!! I am NOT ABOVE fist pumping at a traffic light.
But I was also really hyped for Cardi B to drop over the weekend. Hell, I pulled into the parking lot at my corporate job on Monday like “put ya tongue out in the mirror, pop that P while you drive …ayyyeeee!”
I’m a fierce defender of human rights (you don’t want to ever meet me on my soapbox) and want to stone people to death when I hear about social injustices going on in our communities.
But I also know there are sometimes when people do dumb things that, NOT JUSTIFY MURDER, but makes me give them the side eye (ie: for those folks from my hometown, check any Monday’s paper for the antics that happen at that club downtown – insert face palm emoji – I love y’all, but it’s embarrassing).
I love nature; trees, birds, walking in the grass in my bare feet.
But beware of the level of insanity that ensues if a bug lands on me or flies too close to my face.
I believe humans are inherently good, but that life and experiences makes them resort to certain (often negative) behaviors to survive … and for that, I feel a deep sympathy.
But I also get nervous AF in large crowds of people – social anxiety on 1,000 – because you just can’t trust folks.
I’m a ball of contradictions, wrapped in polar opposites, revolving in a personal solar system of doing whatever the H makes me happy.
And with all of that being said, I just don’t fit into any preconceived notion ever fathomed of what I’m “supposed” be.
I never have …
… and never will …
… and that’s OK with me.
For many years though, I wasn’t comfortable with it. Depending on the space I was moving in, I would do my best to assimilate to the predominate behavior of the group.
Then one day, I realized how exhausting that is and said fuck it.
It took me a long time to get there …
… but that’s also OK with me.
Self-acceptance aside for a bit though, I recently found myself feeling the sting of isolation non-conformity brings.
But unlike the first time I ran into this issue in my life, assimilation never crossed my mind and I’m low-key (well maybe high-key since I’m sharing it with you guys) proud of myself.
If you’re reading this blog, you know that I have been doing my best as of late to market and promote my books HIT THAT LINK.
But I’m clearly black and I don’t write urban fiction.
*Gasp
That’s right. I said it.
Now let me be clear: there’s nothing wrong with urban fiction!
Everyone has a story to tell and I’ll be damned if ANYONE is going to tell me what mine is or should be, so I keep that same energy when thinking about my brothers and sisters that write in that genre.
But at first glance, it looks like many of the people who look like me do write urban fiction, so I’m kind of at an impasse with finding a writing community.
As usual, I just don’t fit in.
You see, I write about scary things under the bed, monsters lurking the city streets at night, serial killers collecting internal organs … well, maybe not that last one, but who knows what I’ll write in the next book.
I grew up watching the work of Stephen King and George Romero, but also reading Donald Goines books; and my writing reflects both of those influences.
So yeah, just like the physical me, the creative me doesn’t quite fit into the already established mold I see floating around out here.
But guess what, folks?
“They” say you should always write about what you know.
AND
“They” also say that you should always be yourself.
AND
While I don’t know who the hell “they” are;
It’s actually pretty sound advice.
Like I said, I’ve been down this road before and found the more I followed this “they” blueprint, the more my horn grew; and the more it grew, the more I realized I wasn’t the only unicorn out there.
There’s a whole bunch of us, but a lot of the times we have a hard time seeing each other because of the noise of the crowd.
So guess what else, folks?
I’m going to keep pushing creatively until I find my fellow unicorns or they find me.
According to the quick google search I just did (I know, the amount of official research I do for this blog is impressive), there are 7.4 BILLION people in this world.
So I’m confident that if I keep being my whole entire contradictory, black ass self, pushing against the “norm”, and shining up my unicorn horn, my fellow unicorns will see me gleaming through the crowd.
Until next time folks,
Take care of yourself,
And be a damn unicorn,
Love and Light,
Erin
What did you say?
You miss me when I’m gone?
Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week …
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Good Reads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8022454.Erin_T_McMillon
You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/130-2120102-2933537?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=erin+mcmillon
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