Getting My &*#@ Together Series: I DON’T WANT NO SMOKE

I’ve been smoking for 20 years and I have to quit.

THERE … I said it!

And I’m the kind of person who doesn’t make public announcements unless I mean it.

But it’s going to be hard!!!!!!

Nicotine (I’ll refer to her as Nicki – a nod to Logic – from this point on) and I have had this long love affair.

Nicki has been there through the times when I fell in and out of love; when I got my first job and fired from my third; when I’m at work at people are getting on my nerves; and when I’m just plumb F bored.

But when I write about all the things she’s done for me, I feel stupid.

Because she really hasn’t done anything for me at all, but take my money and stunt my growth … and I’m 6’1, so I’m clearly not talking about my height.

Roll with me for a second on this one.

So I recently started this artist development program.

One of the first assignments was to write down your one year goals and prioritize them. And there, staring me right in my face in the number one spot was:

To get my health under control – my veiled way of saying I need to quit smoking

By now, you know how my thought process goes … BAM … it hit me!

I realized, as soon as I lifted my pen from the paper, just how much I’ve been robbing myself.

And not just of my health, but my success.

You see, I’m just a girl with a dollar and a dream.

And it’s become pretty hard to invest in myself financially when that dollar only goes so far.

But that never stopped me from spending 25 cents of that dollar on something that served me no positive purpose.

I realized that I can reach my goals faster and with the quality and quantity I want if I simply took the money I spend on hurting myself and used it to invest in myself.

And it’s just that simple.

It’s weird in a way because throughout this process of getting my shyt together, I’ve cut people off, reassigned priority to others, and done a lot to manage my relationships with people in general … but never did I once think about the THINGS I would have to let go of.

It’s like I romanticized the idea of always having this thing with me; absorbed it into my identity; and feared letting it go because it had become as intertwined with my personality as the smell of it in my clothes (blah!).

But just like any of the bad relationships myself or my friends have had over the years, I have to remember that just because you’ve been together for a long time, doesn’t mean you have to stay together.

Sometimes you have to let go to save yourself; make yourself better.

Sometimes you have to let go of old friends, to begin new adventures.


Until next time, my loves

Think about the “old friends” …

you might be holding onto …

And reevaluate …

If the comfort they’re providing …

Is actually hurting you.


Love and Light,


What did you say?

You miss me when I’m gone?

Well, you know you can keep up with my antics every other day of the week …



Good Reads:

You can also find all of my books The Becoming of Us, Vol. I, The Becoming of Us, Vol. II, What’s Hiding in the Dark: 10 Tales of Urban Lore, and They Eat on Amazon:

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